Sunday, December 8, 2013
Why Do We Never Get An Answer
Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney
Why Do We Never Get An Answer
In a recent column I started talking about a book I have been reading. “The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida, translated by David Mitchell, is an account of living with autism from a teen with low verbal skills. I'd like to share a couple more interesting points from this book.
One question asked was, "Why do you ask the same questions over and over?" I've noticed this at times with Konner. He will ask something like, "Where are my shoes?", and my response will be either that I don't know or maybe in your room. He will come back with the same question in a minute or two. I've often times wondered if he's even listening to my response.
Naoki gives a simple response, but it helps us understand what may be going on inside. He said, “I very quickly forget what it is I’ve just heard."
For this very reason mornings are almost always a bad experience in our house. This forgetfulness mixed with Konner's Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) causes my patience to wear pretty thin. The fact that I'm not a morning person just amplifies the situation.
I'll ask Konner to do a simple task like, "Konner can you find your shoes?" I make sure that I say his name first so that he understands I'm talking to him. I try to make sure he's directly in front of me, and that he hears me. I'll often ask him, "Do you understand?", and wait for a response. I try to give him choices like, "Look in your room and in the computer room."
I'll look up five minutes later and he's still running through the house back and forth screaming.
So I then say (or yell sometimes), "Konner, what did I just ask you to do?" His response is almost always, "I don't know daddy."
Then we have to go through it again.
Other times his memory is very impressive. He can remember things about trains, Minecraft, math, and television programs that I don't understand. I wonder sometimes if he just has selective hearing.
Naoki explains, “My memory, however, is more like a pool of dots. I’m always “picking up” these dots—by asking my questions—so I can arrive back at the memory that the dots represent.”
What this means is that as he asks a question and gets an answer he stores them away in his brain as dots. We store data in a continuous stream, like a timeline. We try to recall things as they happen by events of that day. People on the spectrum have to sort through the dots to find the information they need to remember things, and then express them verbally. Thus is probably why it takes them some time to respond when questioned.
This is only a small look at verbal issues, but I hope it helps shed a little light on the difficulties of communication.
By Kodey Toney
Why Do We Never Get An Answer
In a recent column I started talking about a book I have been reading. “The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida, translated by David Mitchell, is an account of living with autism from a teen with low verbal skills. I'd like to share a couple more interesting points from this book.
One question asked was, "Why do you ask the same questions over and over?" I've noticed this at times with Konner. He will ask something like, "Where are my shoes?", and my response will be either that I don't know or maybe in your room. He will come back with the same question in a minute or two. I've often times wondered if he's even listening to my response.
Naoki gives a simple response, but it helps us understand what may be going on inside. He said, “I very quickly forget what it is I’ve just heard."
For this very reason mornings are almost always a bad experience in our house. This forgetfulness mixed with Konner's Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) causes my patience to wear pretty thin. The fact that I'm not a morning person just amplifies the situation.
I'll ask Konner to do a simple task like, "Konner can you find your shoes?" I make sure that I say his name first so that he understands I'm talking to him. I try to make sure he's directly in front of me, and that he hears me. I'll often ask him, "Do you understand?", and wait for a response. I try to give him choices like, "Look in your room and in the computer room."
I'll look up five minutes later and he's still running through the house back and forth screaming.
So I then say (or yell sometimes), "Konner, what did I just ask you to do?" His response is almost always, "I don't know daddy."
Then we have to go through it again.
Other times his memory is very impressive. He can remember things about trains, Minecraft, math, and television programs that I don't understand. I wonder sometimes if he just has selective hearing.
Naoki explains, “My memory, however, is more like a pool of dots. I’m always “picking up” these dots—by asking my questions—so I can arrive back at the memory that the dots represent.”
What this means is that as he asks a question and gets an answer he stores them away in his brain as dots. We store data in a continuous stream, like a timeline. We try to recall things as they happen by events of that day. People on the spectrum have to sort through the dots to find the information they need to remember things, and then express them verbally. Thus is probably why it takes them some time to respond when questioned.
This is only a small look at verbal issues, but I hope it helps shed a little light on the difficulties of communication.
Jealous Again
Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney
Jealous Again
My wife, Jennifer, called me the other day and said, "Kruz just asked me out of the blue, 'Why does Konner have autism and I don't?'"
We've always tried to explain to him that Konner has autism, but I'm not sure if he truly understands.
So, when I got home I laid down with him and Jen and tried to tell him the best I could.
Kruz is five, and is in a bit of a selfish stage. He's in that stage where if someone else has something he wants it. You know, like a toy he hasn't played with in months, but suddenly he sees someone else with it and he has to have it because he, "was playing with it!" I think he was a little jealous that Konner had something that he didn't have.
I tried to keep it as simple as possible. However I really wanted him to realize that, while it's not a great thing, it's not necessarily the worst thing.
So I began by explaining that God thought he needed to be unique. I know this May sound cheesy or cliche, but I really think that Konner's autism is a blessing in disguise. If nothing else it has given me a different outlook on life and disabilities. That in itself is a blessing.
I then started to tell him the bad things that make him different. I said, "Do you know how Konner gets frustrated, screams, hits, pinches, and bangs the (computer) mouse? He does this because he is upset over things going on around him. He smells thing stronger than we do. He sees hears things we block out. Things feel different to him. His clothes itch and poke and scratch him all the time."
At this point I could see him trying to process the information. I tried to explain that these things cause him to be upset many times.
I told him how the autism also affected his thought process. He has to think when talked to, or asked a question. This is why it takes him longer to do things in the morning.
I wanted to make sure that there were some very good points too though. So I explained that Konner was better at certain things than most. I told him that he was really good with numbers and math, and that he can read better than most.
I'm still not sure he fully understands, but I do know that he has at least started to think about some, and that's a good step.
I think it's important that siblings understand what is going on with their brothers and sisters. We just need to make sure that they are getting the good an the bad. It can help us in the long run when they try to help out or when someone is making fun of someone else with a disability they can try to step in and educate.
By Kodey Toney
Jealous Again
My wife, Jennifer, called me the other day and said, "Kruz just asked me out of the blue, 'Why does Konner have autism and I don't?'"
We've always tried to explain to him that Konner has autism, but I'm not sure if he truly understands.
So, when I got home I laid down with him and Jen and tried to tell him the best I could.
Kruz is five, and is in a bit of a selfish stage. He's in that stage where if someone else has something he wants it. You know, like a toy he hasn't played with in months, but suddenly he sees someone else with it and he has to have it because he, "was playing with it!" I think he was a little jealous that Konner had something that he didn't have.
I tried to keep it as simple as possible. However I really wanted him to realize that, while it's not a great thing, it's not necessarily the worst thing.
So I began by explaining that God thought he needed to be unique. I know this May sound cheesy or cliche, but I really think that Konner's autism is a blessing in disguise. If nothing else it has given me a different outlook on life and disabilities. That in itself is a blessing.
I then started to tell him the bad things that make him different. I said, "Do you know how Konner gets frustrated, screams, hits, pinches, and bangs the (computer) mouse? He does this because he is upset over things going on around him. He smells thing stronger than we do. He sees hears things we block out. Things feel different to him. His clothes itch and poke and scratch him all the time."
At this point I could see him trying to process the information. I tried to explain that these things cause him to be upset many times.
I told him how the autism also affected his thought process. He has to think when talked to, or asked a question. This is why it takes him longer to do things in the morning.
I wanted to make sure that there were some very good points too though. So I explained that Konner was better at certain things than most. I told him that he was really good with numbers and math, and that he can read better than most.
I'm still not sure he fully understands, but I do know that he has at least started to think about some, and that's a good step.
I think it's important that siblings understand what is going on with their brothers and sisters. We just need to make sure that they are getting the good an the bad. It can help us in the long run when they try to help out or when someone is making fun of someone else with a disability they can try to step in and educate.
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