Joy Of My Life

I teach in my music history class that the first music chart in America was Your Hit Parade which began in 1935. It was unique because it showed the most popular songs in the nation at the time. It was a huge hit, and while it continued for 20 years it sparked many other shows including Billboard Charts, American Bandstand, Casey Kasem’s top 40 show, Rick Dee’s and the weekly top 40, etc.  This is popular because people enjoy lists. They want to see what is popular among their peers. They want to know that others are doing and liking the same things.

This is why when I saw a new list about autism I decided to write about it this week. I did my own list recently, but felt this one would be good to add my own thoughts to. This one was written by Jean Winegardener from Silver Springs, MD., and was included in Washington Times Dec. 21. While I’m not going to include everything, I will share the list, and my thoughts as they pertain to Konner.

10. Your kid with autism is going to make you laugh. Konner is a funny kid. The fact that he is very literal and doesn’t hold back the way he feels is usually a surprise to us when he says things.

9. You will become less judgmental. I have expressed in the past the fact that I used to be one of those people who thought that a child acting up in public was disrespectful. That all changes when you have an autistic child. You realize that an outing without an outburst is rare, and you just try to use them as a learning tool and go on. To all those people who think it’s disrespectful, oh well.

8. You will never take a small victory for granted. This is something I touched on a couple weeks ago. Don’t take for granted the good stuff going on in your life. When you feel overwhelmed and defeated think about the positives that are going on. Think about what you have accomplished in the last year, month, or week.

7. You might see them embrace their uniqueness. I don’t think Konner is aware that he’s different in any way. Some of the kids in his class do though. I work with middle and high school kids in my job and I’m constantly trying to convey to them that there are some people who are different and can’t help it. I try to explain that they need to embrace those people and help them no matter what others think. I also worked recently with my scout pack to try to explain why Konner may act differently than them. I think if we educate children early about the importance of helping those who have disabilities and disorders then we can curve any animosity later in their life.

6. You will find friends in the autism community who are like family. There are many people that we work with everyday, including therapists, teachers, and advocates who have become an extended family. All of Konner’s former teachers have fallen in love with him and to this day continue to check on him and his progress. We also have the members of the Parents of Autism who have become a second family. This is because no matter what you are going through, if they have not been through it already they have an understanding that it could be them, or will be eventually. The things that are discussed in meetings are difficult to communicate to others, but with the group we have it’s okay. There have been many tears shed in these meetings, and it seems like they have only worked to bring us closer together. The group is growing, and we are taking “family members” every week. Those of us who have been there from the beginning tend to know each other’s stories and keep up on facebook with the other’s children, both special needs and neurotypical.

5. You finally have a name for those quirks you've had your whole life, but thought just made you strange. The more research you do the more you think you can diagnose people with autism. In fact Jen and I have looked back on people we have known in life and determined each one with Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s not unusual to think this way.

4. You will find your power.  I’m always talking about my lack of patience and the fact that I have found patience throughout the years by working on it. I also see how strong a woman my wife is by watching her deal with Konner and everything that goes along with it. While I do all the writing on this column, it is my wife and her strength that actually fuels it. She is the one who does all the leg work by finding these things to talk about. She makes all the appointments and makes sure that Konner gets the proper therapy, medicines, and equipment that he may need to succeed. I’m merely a secondary helper.

She has also been put into a unique situation that I do not envy at all. She is a teacher at the same school that Konner attends and has to wear two hats, teacher and mother. This can be very tricky at times because she is fighting for what is best while trying to not upset the people she has to work with on a day-to-day basis. For that, I am amazed.

3. You get to watch your child play adapted sports. While we haven’t moved into this yet it is something that we have been contemplating. There is a great chapter of the Special Olympics in the area. In fact, one of the major supporters and helpers is a member of our Parents of Autism group. Amber Gonzalez is a devoted champion of the Special Olympics program and is constantly looking for volunteers.

2. You will find role models in unexpected places. One of the greatest experiences I’ve had in parenting a child with autism is seeing the many peers Konner has had who have adopted him and helped him in the classroom. Each year it seems that he has had at least one, if not more, friends who will make sure that he gets to where he needs to go, help him find things in his desk, make sure that he is okay when he’s upset, and just be a friend to him. These children are priceless in the life of a child who has issues with socializing. My only fear is that the teenage years will blur their sense of compassion for them.

1. Just as with any child, your kid with autism is going to give you so much love. There are many sayings and clichés involved in autism, but one I saw on facebook recently that seems to sum up everything is, “If you think I have my hands full you should see my heart.” I think that is perfect.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Highway To The Danger Zone

President Franklin Roosevelt had a famous line in his 1933 inaugural address: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Of course he was talking about the uncertainty of a depression riddled nation, but that uncertainty of the unknown is what fuels fear in most of us. For a child with Autism fear is usually either nonexistent or badly distorted.

When I walk to the edge of a cliff or climb on the top of the roof, like I recently did to put the Christmas lights on, I get an instant case of vertigo. I have to get a hold of my senses to help keep myself from swaying and falling off the side. Everyone seems to have some phobia that they are concerned with; spiders, snakes, dogs, storms, needles, flying, or germs are common.

However, for someone like Konner this is lacking in many cases. Spiders, snakes and dogs do nothing to bother him. If anything he is more intrigued with these things. They seem to fascinate him and draw him closer.

This is not limited to just Konner. Ellen Notbohm wrote in a column on Parent Guide News’ website: “[Autistic] children may lack a sense of danger. This is the child who runs into the street without looking, jumps from the top of the play structure. Constant supervision and clear visual boundaries are necessary (one Mom painted a stop sign at the end of the driveway). Instructions must be phrased in the positive rather than negative: “Wait on the sidewalk” rather than “Don’t run into the street.” Some ASD children will hear only the last verb in the sentence and nothing before it, so your direction “Don’t run!” becomes “Run!””

This is also brought up in the book “Not My Boy!” by Rodney Peete. He talks about an instance when they lived near a busy street and his son R.J. ran into the road even after his mother, Holly Robinson Peete, warned him several times not to. In the end the Peete family had to put up visual boundaries to make sure that R.J. didn’t run into the busy traffic-way.

Add to this lack of danger a very curious group of children and you will have some very scary situations. For instance, Konner is not only unaware of danger, but is an escape artist as well. He can open locks, gates, and doors that most children can’t or won’t even think about.

Last summer we had bungee cords wrapped around the gates in the front yard. These were the industrial strength pulled so tight that I had a hard time getting them loose. Somehow, I looked up and Konner had made his way out of the yard and into the road. Fortunately we don’t live on an extremely busy road, and we were watching closely, but it could have been a very dangerous situation. We have also installed extra locks on our doors to keep him from slipping out.

The Interactive Autism Network recently held a study that shows how dangerous this is for children on the spectrum, and how scary and frustrating it can be for parents.

The following comes from that study via the Psychology Today website.

“Approximately half of 800 parents who completed the survey reported that their child leaves safe places, with the behavior peaking at age four. Among these families, nearly half say that their child has gone missing long enough to cause significant concern about safety.”

I usually hesitate to tell the following story in fear that I will seem like a bad parent. However, after reading this information I hope that it will help parents understand that they are not alone in these situations.

When we visited my grandparent’s house in September for a family reunion we were sitting around talking to my family when we realized something was wrong. There were eight adults, two teens and three children in the small two-bedroom apartment, besides Konner. I suddenly realized that I hadn’t seen Konner in a minute or two. The search was on. We began in the apartment because nobody had heard or seen the doors open. There are only two ways in and out of the apartment, and they both were within fifteen feet of where I was sitting. He was nowhere in the small residence. So we moved to the outside. My grandparents live on the ground floor of the three-floor building. My grandpa finally found him on the top floor. He was saying that he had tried all the doors, but that they were locked. This was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. The amazing thing was that nobody had realized he was gone. He wasn’t gone long, but long enough.

The study confirms that we are not alone in our experience. Here are some highlights of the study:

“Risk of trauma, injury, or death:
• More than one third of children who wander are never or rarely able to communicate their name, address, or phone number verbally or by writing/typing.
• Two in three parents report their missing child has had a "close call" with a traffic injury.
• 32 percent of parents report a "close call" with a possible drowning.”

“Effect of wandering on families:
• Wandering was ranked among the most stressful ASD behaviors by 58 percent of the parents who reported the behavior in their children.
• 62 percent of families of children who wander were prevented from attending/enjoying activities outside the home because of fear of wandering.
• 40 percent of parents had suffered sleep disruption due to fear of wandering.
• Children with ASD are eight times more likely to wander between the ages of 7 and 10 than their typically developing siblings.”

Motivations for wandering:

Parents believe that the top five reasons for wandering are

·         Enjoys exploring (54 percent)

·         Heads for a favorite place (36 percent)

·         Escapes demands/anxieties (33 percent)

·         Pursues special topic (31 percent)

·         Escapes sensory discomfort (27 percent)

I know of one local autistic child who loves water and ponds. When she slips out of the house that is the first place she heads to. This is a scary thought, and everyone around the house knows that if she leaves to catch her before she gets to the water.

For this reason many organizations have started training service dogs for autistic children. Autism service dogs, much like seeing-eye-dogs, will help prevent these children from dangerous situations.

Parents with children who are on the spectrum tend to be more aware of their surroundings. They check on their children more often than most. They watch for things that their children may be fascinated with, and try to avoid dangerous situations. It can be frustrating and scary, but it is more common than not.

Thanks, Thanks A Lot

As I sit here on Christmas day trying to pound out another column I find myself stopping to watch Konner play in the floor with his toys. He’s lost in the many Thomas the Tank Engine toys that he has received this holiday and I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to, which of course I don’t. But it makes me think of some things that I rarely do, like the blessings in my life, especially with Konner.

We, as parents of autistic children, often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of running around all year to different therapies, doctors’ appointments, conferences, IEP meetings, and school events, that we get overwhelmed with life as we know it.

We also tend to complain, sometimes to whomever will listen, about the many problems we have. This is why our autism group is such a great place, so that we can vent to each other about issues, and know that we are not alone.

I feel like sometimes there are people that I talk to about issues that might get tired of hearing it. Family, friends, and co-workers are probably saying, “Great, here he goes again.” However, I am appreciative of all of them for being my sounding board.

Truth is the issues can be overwhelming. However, every once in a while we need to stop and be thankful for the things we have in life. Maybe it’s just the Christmas spirit, and maybe it’s all that I’ve had to eat, but today I’ve had a few of those moments.

We had purchased a few books for my nephew for Christmas, and being that we made the order online, and late, they hadn’t made it in before Christmas day. So this morning (Sunday) Jen was printing out a note to give him to let him know that they were on the way. The note was up on the computer screen when Konner pulled himself up to the desk and started reading it. He read it without much hesitation or problem. It was no Shakespeare play, but for a first grader it should have been difficult. As I listened to him rattle off the entire note I had to think about how amazing this kid can be.

I also noticed at my family’s get-together today that there was very little confrontation, and that he hung in there longer that he has in the past. I have written before about having to leave early due to meltdowns and other issues. Not this Christmas. He also played well with everyone else. He shared with his cousins and even his brother…a little. . In fact, I call that improvement.

Even the numerous amounts of trains that he has shows off a great characteristic of autism. Autistic children tend to be able to focus on one thing, and excel at it. For instance, Temple Grandin sees in pictures and can design cattle shoots and other livestock holding cells in her mind. John Elder Robison has the ability to work with electronics and cars so well that he has designed toys for Milton-Bradley, guitars for Ace Freely of Kiss, and owns his own exotic car repair shop. There are also savants who can memorize numbers, dates, and figures beyond the typical brain. While I haven’t been able to see any overly amazing feat like this in Konner (yet) he can tell you every single train he has, and doesn’t have, what their function is on the island of Sodor, and why he needs the others. Now this doesn’t seem very impressive to some, let me assure you he has well over 100 different trains from three different styles of Thomas (wooden, take-and-play, and track master).

My point is that the human brain is amazing, and for all the obstacles he has, there are many things that he doesn’t have to worry about.

This is a time to count your blessings and be thankful for the things we have. I’m thankful for both of my children as well as my entire family this Christmas season, and can’t wait for a new year to see what else is going to happen.

Makes No Sense

Recently Konner had an issue at school where he didn’t want to bend over to pick up a piece of paper on the floor. While this occurrence has happened at home many times I never thought much of it. I wrote it off as Konner being a little defiant or lazy. However, one of his therapists brought it to our attention recently that it may be more than just rebelliousness. It could be an issue with his vestibular sense.

Like most, when this was told to me I had no idea what vestibular sense was. After some research, from a great source, I found out that it is something we use constantly, but never even pay attention to – until it’s out of balance (no pun intended).

A majority of the information I found was in two excellent resources for any parent of an autistic child. “The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder” and “The Out-of Sync Child Has Fun: Activities for Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder”
 by Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A. is packed with great data and advice for any parent, but especially one with a child on the spectrum.

Most of us have heard of the five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing. Vestibular Sense, according to Kranowitz, “is the inefficient processing in the brain of sensations received through the inner ear. The child with a vestibular problem has difficulty processing information about gravity, balance, and movement through space.”

It affects:

·         Gravitational security

·         Movement and balance

·         Muscle tone

·         Bilateral coordination

·         Praxis (motor planning)

·         Vision and hearing

·         Emotional security

As you can see this can cause havoc in the life of someone who’s senses are already completely mixed up. The difficulty that I found was determining if the vestibular was what had caused the other sensory issues in the first place. Kind of like the egg and the chicken dilemma.

There are several different types of children with vestibular dysfunction, according to the book, and some ways to look for signs. There are children who are overresponsive, underresponsive, seeks extra movement, poor discrimination of movement, and have dyspraxia.

The children who are overresponsive tend to overreact negatively and emotionally to ordinary movement. They dislike physical activities, avoid playground equipment, are slow-moving, and don’t like to move their head much.

The child who is underreponsive tends to lack inner drive to move actively, doesn’t object to being moved, swings for a long time without dizziness, doesn’t protect themselves well when falling.

The child who seeks extra movement craves intnse, fast and spinning movement, are thrill seekers, and moves constantly.

The child with poor discrimination of movement tends to fall frequently while moving or standing, becomes easily confused when turning, and is unaware of how much is too much when swinging and twirling.

The child with dyspraxia tends to have difficulty making unfamiliar movement sequences, has difficulty with gross motor skills, and moves awkwardly.

These are just a few signs. The book tells many more.

Reading through the sections of the books dedicated specifically to vestibular sensory opened my eyes to things going on with Konner, but it did cause a little more confusion.

Many of the techniques that the occupational therapists use are to help stimulate their senses. This includes joint compressions, which I wrote about previously. This is because children on the spectrum need this stimulation to truly feel their extremities, according to the book.

There are other suggestions in “The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun” book.  One is to use a t-shaped stool to help the child balance. This is a pretty simple tool to make and is fun for them to use. “Row Boat” is a technique of sitting on the floor and pushing the soles of your feet together, grabbing hands and pushing and pulling. Horseback rides, knee rides, wheelbarrows and piggyback rides are all simple and traditional ways play with your child and to help their sensory issues. Trampolines are also a great tool to help with all types of sensory issues.

The advice in the book from a therapist says, “I usually remind parents that any vestibular activity should be undertaken carefully and only for short periods of time at first, until the child builds a greater tolerance for the sensation.”

This stimulation is why many children with vestibular issues enjoy thrill rides. This may include going fast on the merry-go-round, going high on a swing, riding roller coasters, and fast rides at an amusement park.

This is part of why I felt Konner may have this issue as well. If anyone remembers the story about our trip to Worlds of Fun you will know that Konner wanted to ride one of the biggest thrill rides there. He loved it.

If you feel like your child might be having similar issues it’s a good idea to talk to your occupational therapist, or physical therapist to see if they have other suggestions on how to help.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

I Fought The Law

As a parent of a child with special needs, not just autism, it is important to know how to get the most out of your school to help your child. This means that you must know what you can and can’t ask for. Jen and I recently traveled to Edmond to participate in a national conference held to do just that.

Anyone who has worked with an IEP team knows that it can be difficult. There are emotions involved. The parents are asking for what they feel is necessary to help their child the most. The school is working to stay within their means while trying to help the family the best they can. Everyone is trying hard not to insult others in the room; whether it is intentional or not. In the end you usually leave the room wondering if you got everything you wanted, or if you just settled because you felt like you should.

The Wrightslaw Conference we recently attended helps put all this in perspective.

Wrightslaw.com is a website designed by attorney Pete Wright, Esq. to help everyone involved in special education understand the laws, and do what is best for the student. While this one-day lesson is geared toward parents, it is open and recommended for anyone involved in special education.

Other than parents, there were therapists, teachers, lawyers, paraprofessionals, and administrators from all over the country. While many were from Oklahoma, some had traveled from surrounding states including Texas, Kansas, and Arkansas. Others had come from as far away as Montana and Wisconsin just to hear Wright speak. One attendee had been to the conference five times.

Wright, a nationally acclaimed special education law expert, travels throughout the United States holding these FREE conferences throughout the year. According to the website, Wright is an attorney who represents children with special educational needs. In second grade, Pete was diagnosed with learning disabilities including dyslexia, dysgraphia and ADHD. His determination to help children grew out of his own educational experiences. He has argued as high as the U.S. Supreme Court to help fight for the rights of families with special needs.

The conference is free in Oklahoma thanks to the Oklahoma Disabilities Law Center and Partners in Education Advocacy. This includes three free books, written or co-written by Wright, a CD rom, a free bag and supplies.

Wright basically walks you through the three books and helps you understand where to pinpoint specific laws and regulation to help you during IEP meetings. He explains that you don’t have to know the law fully; you just need to know where to find it.

A major issue in IEP meetings is that tension between the parents and the school employees. Wright gives some advice on how to help relieve that tension by using what he calls “Mrs. Manners” and the “Peter Faulk Colombo Method” to get the most out of your team. “The way you present yourself is important,” said Wright during the meeting.

I have to agree with this. When you go into a meeting angry nothing good can come of it. The only thing that is going to happen is tempers will flare. People shutdown and begin to resent each other when they feel they are being attacked.

The meeting included tests to help you retain the information given throughout the day.

The books were the most important part of the seminar. They include Special Education Law, From Emotions to Advocacy, and All About IEPs. Each alone is worth attending. They are packed full of valuable information to help parents. Wright basically runs through them with the audience, albeit rather quickly sometimes, and tells what pages and sections to highlight. He also has developed a quick reference in the front cover of the books, and tells the crowd what to write and how to find the information quickly.

Special Education Law is an overview of key laws and regulations for special education. This includes IDEA 2004, FERPA, Supreme Court Decisions, and Section 504. If you don’t know what these are, the book explains in detail.

From Emotions to Advocacy: the Special Education Survival Guide explains how to make a plan to work with others including an IEP team. Learning the rules and regulations, obstacles, resolving parent-school conflicts, keeping good files, and test and measurements were also included in this book.

All About IEPs is a book full of the frequently asked questions about IEPs. Wright and his team have put together many of the questions over the years that have come into his website, and answered them with laws and regulations pertaining to them. This book goes over just about any question you might have about IEPs. Wright explained that he didn’t answer the questions with his opinion, but rather with the law.

Also included was a CD Rom that helps you make charts to help you and the IEP team understand your child’s progress. This runs you through how the Bell Curve works and gives step-by-step commentary on how to work up a visual aid for meetings.

The conference ended with a Q&A session where Wright, along with members of the Oklahoma Disabilities Law Center, fielded questions from the audience.

In all, this was a very informative conference. I felt like the books alone were well worth the three-hour trip. The only thing we paid for was gas (and a hotel room so we didn’t have to wake up early for a long drive).

Though it’s a year away, it would be well advised for everyone to mark your calendar for December 6, 2012. That is when the next conference is scheduled in Oklahoma City. And again, it is FREE.

The website in itself is a great source for anyone who has a child with a disability. It includes all the information you need with a great search engine for quick reference.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

In Through The Out Door

In the past year or so, Konner has had issues with opening doors. I’m not speaking metaphorically. This isn’t like Temple Grandin’s “Thinking In Pictures” where she finally sees the door and passes through it. He literally has a hard time with doors.

I’m not sure if this column will be helpful, but it may be enlightening to those with a child on the spectrum.

It’s not the actually turning of the knob, or pushing and pulling of the hinged access that bothers Konner. In fact, I’m not really sure what bothers him. It’s the fact that he wants to be the one to open the door.

Let me give you an example. One of the worst doors is the front door to the house. Konner seems to want to be the one to open it up when we get home. Usually in the rush of things myself, or Jen, will just walk up, unlock the door and herd the boys in trying to keep the dogs from rushing out. In all this madness Konner will throw himself into a frenzy and sometimes go into meltdown. He will begin screaming, “Close the door! Close it!” At this point the only thing to do is close the door. If you’ve made it inside you have to stay. If you’re still outside you have to stay there until you can get him to calm down.

Usually he just wants to open the door himself, but sometimes it seems like he has already set his mind on not going in.

If the door is locked it presents another issue. He wants you to unlock it, but not open it. This works in reverse though. One time I had come back from the grocery store and had both hands full of bags. Instead of setting them down, digging through my pockets, turning the key, picking the sacks back up, and walking in I decided to just knock on the door with my foot and wait for Jen to open the door. This sounds logical to most, but Konner happened to be on the other side. While Jen was coming to my rescue Konner began yelling, “Use your key dad! Where’s your key!”

I tried to explain that it was in my pocket and my hands were full. No go. As Jen reached for the door he began to scream louder. “No, use your key!” After what seemed like minutes with my hands full and the bags cutting into my fingers I gave in and sat the bags down.

This also happens with car doors, refrigerator doors, and anything that you can open.

In a similar situation, I was recently at the school when we began to walk out the door. As we got to the end of the hall there were the double doors. I stopped to let Konner open the door, knowing what would happen if I didn’t. At that point he pushed on the door that happened to be locked. “Oh great,” I thought to myself. “Here we go.”

Let me interrupt to say that most parents with children on the spectrum begin to look for the worst in every situation ahead of time. I’m constantly telling myself, “Okay, if I do this, this will happen. And if he sees this, we’re going to have a meltdown for sure. I hope this doesn’t happen because we’ll be done for the day.” It’s like a constant chess match with autism, and I’m trying to think three or four moves ahead.

However, Konner looked at the door, realized it was locked, and moved to the other side. At the same time the principal was there and opened the door for him. “No!” I screamed to myself in my head. As the principal opened the door Konner froze. There was no way he was stepping foot across the threshold.  The principal has worked with Konner enough to know how to deal with this situation and stopped, shut the door, and asked Konner to open it. As he did I felt relief. Konner opened the door and all was well again.

The strange thing is that sometimes it doesn’t matter. He can walk through a door that someone else opens without even thinking about it, but usually he’s keyed into the fact that he didn’t do it. He also doesn’t mind when he’s in a line with others and the class door holder is propping it open.

I’ve searched the internet and all my books and have yet to find anything that talks about kids dealing with this, let alone a solution. We have discussed this with his therapists and most feel that it is a control issue. The problem most likely stems from other issues that have happened throughout the day. This is usually from a buildup of over stimulation that has occurred over time and is just coming out because he wants some sort of control. This seems logical to me.

Especially since Konner is also in a phase (at least I hope it’s a phase) where he says, “I don’t need help!” No matter what it is, opening a candy bar, doing his homework, playing on the computer, or starting a bath Konner doesn’t want anyone to help him with it. He gets into this mode when he has to button his pants, which is difficult enough for me, but it’s near impossible for him. He has a meltdown because he can’t do it, but he has a meltdown if you try to help. It’s a catch 22.

The things we have tried include just letting him have control. This seems to be the easiest solution because he gets to open the door and does things himself. However, he needs to learn how to ask for help, and deal with not being in control. So when I feel like putting up with a fight (which is not often) I will go against him on things. As Temple Grandin says, you must challenge these kids to better them.

If you have any similar stories I would love to hear them.

Don’t forget Sensitive Santa is coming up on Tuesday, Dec. 13 at the Community State Bank in Poteau. This is open to all children with disabilities. For more information contact the Parents of Autism on facebook, or me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Once again Christmas has crept upon us, and tis the season for decorations, holiday cheer, and standing in line to see Santa. When I think of waiting for Santa I always get the image of A Christmas Story (one of my favorite movies ever) when the disoriented Ralphie gets a boot to the face from the rude red-nosed mall Claus. While this is just a distortion of what it’s like for children, for a child with Autism it may be closer to the truth.

This is why the Parents of Autism are holding the Second Annual Sensitive Santa in Poteau. This event is a great way for children with disabilities and sensory issues to enjoy the holiday season.

Any parent of a child on the spectrum knows that waiting in those long lines is just an invitation to a meltdown. The sights, smells, and long delay can cause a sensory overload that will leave a bad impression of Christmas.

Last year, the Parents of Autism group from Poteau decided to hold a Sensitive Santa to help children with Autism and other disabilities enjoy this time of year better. More than 30 people came out to the event and enjoyed a quiet evening with Santa, and didn’t have to wait in lines.

Konner was one of the first children there and he loved it. The event was hosted by the Community State Bank which houses a large fish aquarium. That was the first thing he went for. The fish seemed to calm him and keep him busy while we waited on the Santa to finish with the child in front of him.

Santa was soft spoken, unlike the boisterous, jolly soul that we see at the mall. The stereotypical reproduction of the real man from the north is usually too much for a neurotypical child to handle, much less someone who is upset by loud sounds.

He didn’t touch the children unless they came up to him. This is an important part. They don’t have to sit in his lap unless they want to. Konner actually is okay with touching. He walked right up and gave him a big hug.

The children were treated to milk and cookies while they waited, and were treated to a reading of “The Night Before Christmas”. This gave them something to do instead of standing around in a long line.

We even arranged for Santa to have a present ahead of time so that he could pull it out of his bag when we got there. He loved that Santa knew exactly what he wanted, and he got a present ahead of time.

Sensitive Santa is open to ALL children with disabilities, not just those on the spectrum. We understand that not all children will feel comfortable around huge crowds, and it’s inconvenient to wait in line with any type of disability.

The Sensitive Santa will be held at the Community State Bank again this year. It is scheduled for Tuesday, December 13 from 6 p.m. until 7 p.m.

If you want more information, or have a child that is planning to attend, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com, or contact us on face book at either the Parents of Autism page or Pervasive Parenting.