Change the World

I’ve been watching a lot of videos and reading many blogs lately to try and help understand what Konner might be going through. As a society, almost an underground society it seems (I’m speaking of the autism world in general) we think we know what is best for our children. We work really hard to make them the best that they can be. This is why we spend so much time with therapies, trinkets and toys, apps, and conferences to give our children what they need to survive in a fast-paced world. This is a world that is usually unforgiving to people who are not made out of the same cookie-cutter format that we see on television, magazines, and sadly enough occasionally our own minds.

Sometimes, however, I wonder if we’re trying too hard to make them “normal” or if we really just want them to have the best things they can with the hands they’ve been dealt. Those hands aren’t always bad. Since we’re using poker analogies; it would be like having an ace in hand, but losing to a pair of twos. You may be good at sports, but later in life when that stuff doesn’t matter, the man with a better retention of facts is going to be more useful in the “real world”. I’m not sure if I made that more clear, or just confused everyone more.

The thing that I’ve noticed most in these interviews with children and teens on the spectrum is that they don’t want to be changed. I was watching a video at http://apps.facebook.com/autismangels/ that I highly recommend. The film was by a teen with Asperger’s Syndrome. The main thing I noticed was that the children said they wouldn’t trade their differences for the world. They don’t want to be changed, just accepted.

Konner is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t change him for the world. He has made me a better person, and because of his autism I am becoming better every day. I’ve shared some of this with you in the past, but he makes me more patient (not that I’m where I should be yet). I have to be patient. There’s no compromise sometimes. That pushes me into frustration more times in a week than I can count, but at the end of the day, I still have to be patient and try to figure out what the problem is.

He has made me be more forgiving of others. I understand tribulations that other parents may be going through. Now when I see a child in a grocery store or restaurant scream I just smile. I truly do, because I have no idea what is wrong with that child, but I know that even if they really are just brats it is something that you have to deal with and go on.  I don’t judge because I don’t know.

I was thinking the other night about heaven. This may be something that some of you will think it odd, wrong, or just weird, but I was wondering what people with disabilities are like in heaven. Are they “normal” in the way that we see things here on earth? Will a child with Downs Syndrome still have Downs in heaven? If not will we recognize them? Then I wondered what Konner would be like. Will he still have the issues that he has on earth? As I pondered this I began to think…I hope not. I hope he’s just the same. I don’t want him to have the pain that goes along with the neurological side of autism. However, I love all the little quirks that make him Konner. For that matter, I hope he never changes.

I’m sure that I’m going to ruffle a few feathers with this one, but I’m hoping that I will open some eyes. These children, and adults, are who they are. They wouldn’t change if they could. Why should we. This is what defines them as people. They don’t need to change. They just need understanding, help, and guidance. We as a society are who need to change our ways of thinking.

I'm Here For The Party

In the recent weeks we’ve be fortunate to have attended two great birthday parties. Any parent of a child on the spectrum knows what this can mean. It’s a bitter-sweet feeling. You are happy that your child was invited to the party. That means that they are either fitting in, or some parent is making an effort not to exclude them. Either way this is a great thing. The other part of this is that you never know what is going to happen at the party. Is my child going to ruin everything with a sudden outburst, meltdown, or reaction? Will he ever be invited back to another party?

The first thing you have to do is focus on the fact that your child has been invited to a party. That means someone has taken the time to include your kid in their birthday celebration. There is nothing better for a child with autism than interaction with their peers. I’ve hit on this in the past, but it is a great thing to have kids that may or may not understand your child’s issues, but do accept that he is different. We’ve been blessed with a great bunch of classmates for Konner. They seem to make an effort to include Konner in everything and for that Jen and I appreciate them.

Part of this may be because we’ve explained to many of them from a young age what issues Konner has, and what they can do to help. He’s been with many of these kids since head start, so that helps as well.

The first party we attended was Konner’s own. Okay, so he had to attend this one, but he invited many of his friends. Most of them showed up. We asked him where he wanted to go and who he wanted to invite. He decided on Burger King and so we booked it. By the way, if your child was not invited I’m sorry. He made the list and probably just forgot. We also didn’t want him to be overwhelmed.

This was a pretty good idea because the kids just spent most of the time in the “tubes” and played well together. This party went off without a hitch really. I have no real stories to share. This may sound boring, but if you have a party, for an autistic child, and there are no issues this is a good thing. We have evolved so much from when he was three and we decided on Chuck E. Cheese. That turned out to be a horrible idea. When he was two we had a packed house and he had a meltdown and ended up crashing out in his room. However, every year it gets better.

The second party was at his friend Jaxon’s house. He was excited to attend and off we went on the rainy Sunday afternoon. The hostess was great and had everything planned out including games to keep them busy. This was especially good because of the weather. All of the children ran to the door when Konner came and ushered him into the house. This was a great feeling for me. I felt like they all seemed to want him there. I know that sounds silly to some, but you get a feeling sometimes that kids just tolerate your child because they’ve been told to; or that they are coddling him because they know he’s different. However, when the other kids arrived they all rushed to the door to meet them as well. This is a good thing because they didn’t treat Konner any differently. This is what you want to see as a parent. You want to see that your child is an equal and not a burden or outcast.

That’s not to say that he wasn’t different at the party. He has some things that he did that were different from the other children, but they all seemed to just go along with it or ignore it. He was louder than most there, and would jump around and scream. He began to go into his pace march halfway through the party, but it was quickly halted by another game, or ice cream and cake. He also pretended to be a balloon (something that he reminded me as he is reading this over my shoulder). He hid under the table at one point which caused the others to want to join. When the other kids decided to sing karaoke he grabbed the microphone and screamed really loud instead of singing, but the others seemed to get a kick out of this.

When the group decided to have a “freeze dance” none of the other children wanted to dance. They were all too shy to dance around their classmates. Not Konner, he flopped and shook and jumped around like nobody was watching. “I died next,” said Konner (again reading over my shoulder. He’s helping me write today). This means that he fell to the floor motionless as the song stopped.

All in all he did a great job. I was proud of the way he acted and the way the other children accepted him as one of their own. This is not always the case. I know this, and know, again, that we have been blessed with a great bunch of friends for Konner.

I want to say thank you to the parents and children for being so supportive of him. It means a lot to me and Jennifer.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Be Aware

Most of you already know that April is Autism Awareness Month, and April 2 was National Autism Awareness Day. As I’ve said in the past, everyday is Autism Awareness Day in our house. However, recent events in the media have shown that it’s more prevalent in many households now. This means that the word awareness may need to be changed to acceptance.  

A report released last week by the Center for Disease Control states that the number of children diagnosed with autism has increased dramatically in the past two years. The past figures have shown that 1 in 110 children were recognized as being autistic. The new numbers show a nearly 25 percent increase to 1 in 88. The report also shows that 1 in 54 boys are diagnosed and 1 in 252 girls. That equals more than a million children affected directly.

Let’s put this into perspective. According to Autism Speaks there are more children affected by autism than by diabetes, AIDS, cancer, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or Down syndrome – combined. By no means am I down playing any of these other issues, I’m simply trying to spread light on the issue.

So the question I always get is, “Are they being diagnosed more now, or are the numbers really increasing?” In my opinion it’s both.

Let’s look at some more statistics. Autism Society reported that 40 percent of Americans know someone with autism. This equals approximately 760,000 people in Oklahoma alone. So the awareness of autism is more widespread. We are reaching the masses by letting them know about what autism is and what you can do to help children with autism.

However, there is also an increase of children with the disorder. When I speak to student that I work with I always ask if anyone knows someone with autism. Usually at least a third of the room has a relative, friend, or neighbor who has autism. They are directly affected by the disorder because someone close to them has been diagnosed.

I remember when I was in school there were not that many students with autism - at least we didn’t know if they were. If I look back I can only think of only one student who would have been considered autistic.  Now days there are usually one or two students. This is causing major issues with our teachers and administration.

Of course the other side of this is that there are better ways of diagnosing children these days. More things go under the umbrella of autism. We are also getting diagnosis at a younger age now. All of these things are factors in the increasing numbers.

The bottom line though is that this is no longer just an issue that affects a few people, the family down the street, or a distant relative. It’s now considered an epidemic. This means there has to be something done on national and state levels to help in many ways. It’s not just about awareness anymore. We are aware. Now we need to be actively pursuing reasons behind the cause. We need to work with legislators to find ways to help those with autism gain more benefits. These children will grow up to be adults and need care or advocacy to help them enter the working world. They need therapies to get them to that point. The numbers are only going to continue to rise if we don’t find a cause and a solution.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Theater of the Mind

We don’t go out much. In fact, if I’m being honest, I don’t like to go out much because the uncertainty of autism is always lurking in the shadows. I never know if it’s going to be a good experience or if we’re just going to sit down for a couple minutes and have to leave. I probably shouldn’t be this way, but I think most parents of autistic children probably think the same way.

However, my wife is ever the optimist, and thank goodness for the children she is because otherwise we probably wouldn’t get to go anywhere.

This week was an exception. We made two eventful shows this and had some good experiences. I’d like to share them with you.

Tuesday night we went to Fort Smith to catch the production of Sesame Street Live. Konner’s never been a huge Sesame Street fan, but Kruz tends to like Elmo and the gang. A few months back we purchased the tickets, so Tuesday night there we were waiting for the show.

My first thought was, “I wonder how long this will last?” The answer was... until intermission. This was not Konner’s fault though. In fact, Konner did pretty well.

When the lights went out and the music started the first thing he did was cover his ears. This was normal thanks to the fairly high volume in the center. They stayed that way for most of the show, but he was still smiling and singing along, so we were good.

We also got lucky because there was nobody in the seat in front of him. He was free to kick and shake and could see the show just fine. I did try to keep him from kicking even though there was no one there just to let him know that it was not a good thing to do.

The reason we left early is because Kruz was ready to go. Intermission came, and we took off.

In all, Konner seemed to enjoy himself, and besides a few issues with opening doors for himself we had a good time.

Saturday night, thanks to the good people at the Gregory Kistler Treatment Center, we got free tickets to the Northwest Arkansas Ballet’s performance of The Wizard of Oz.  Jen thought it was a good idea, and I’ve never been to a ballet in person so I was actually looking forward to going – somewhat.

When we sat down, in nearly the same seats as we had on Tuesday night because it was the same facility, my first thought was, “Oh no, there is someone in front of him.”

However, Jen took him in her lap and pulled his legs up so that he wouldn’t kick them. There were several children in attendance, which I thought was a good thing because I figured other parents would understand if he was a little loud.

The first thing I noticed was that everyone was quiet, for the most part. Konner didn’t understand the concept of not talking, both on the stage and off. At one point he asked, “Do they talk?” This got a giggle from the man sitting in front of me. He did catch on though, and after a few minutes he was doing pretty well. This is probably because he has seen the movie several times and knows it by heart.

He was full of questions though.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s just Konner, or most children on the spectrum, but most times he has no volume on his voice. It’s either loud, or nothing. So when he asked where the yellow brick road was to begin the ballet, the people a few rows ahead of us chuckled a little. This trend continued throughout the show with Jen giving quiet answers in his ear, usually preceded by a “shhhhh”. This didn’t bother me or Jen too much, he was just giving a play-by-play of what was going on up on stage. I actually enjoyed this a little because, I’ve got to be honest, I kind of got lost in spots.

He also covered his ears when people clapped. Then he wanted Mom to cover his ears. Then he covered his ears and clapped at the same time.

We went out at intermission and had some issues with bathroom, but for the most part he was fine.

When we got back in and the lights went out I noticed that the elderly group in front of us had not returned. Now, I’m not sure if it had anything to do with Konner’s banter, but to be honest (and not at all trying to be rude) I don’t really care. Konner was enjoying the show and being good, and that was all that really mattered.

In all it was a really good night. We all seemed to enjoy ourselves (we even took his cousin Aiden with us and had ice cream afterward), and he really was pretty good.

There is not really lesson to this one other than the fact that; you should take your children out every once in a while to experience things despite your apprehension. They may just surprise you, and it will do them good.

As a side note: Don’t forget it’s Autism Awareness month. Make sure you do your part to spread the knowledge.

There will be a Parents of Autism meeting on Thursday, April 5 at Carl Albert State College with a guest speaker from Project Peak. She will be taking questions from the parents. The meeting begins at 6 p.m. and is in the F. L. Holton Business Center Theater.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Don't Say No

Last week I told you about Project Peak and how they helped to determine some things in the classroom to improve Konner’s learning environment. One of the things that Kim Ritter, the specialist with Project Peak, told us was that we shouldn’t say what not to do, but give him examples of what we want him to do. Eliminating “negative speak” is one of the toughest things to do as a parent.

When correcting a child with autism, or any child for that matter, the specialists say that it is not a good idea to use negative words. For example; if the child hits someone you shouldn’t say, “Don’t hit!” This is the obvious answer, at least for me. When you see someone doing something wrong the initial reaction is to say, “Stop!”

In order to further understand this concept I talked with Joe’l Farrar, one of our speech pathologists, and she explained that this could be confusing to Konner. What most people don’t understand is that words are still confusing to children with autism. This is why we are currently working with Konner on the who, what, when, where, why, and how questions. This concept is hard to understand, even for people who are around him for large amounts of time. This is because he’s a smart kid. Just because a kid has a high vocabulary and is really good at math and reading doesn’t mean he understands everything you’re telling him.

 Joe’l explained it this way. “Just because a kid can run doesn’t mean they can compete in a marathon.” This makes sense if you think about it. Konner has the tools and the ability, but needs to train to be able to do the specialties. If I have a hammer, nails, a saw, and wood it doesn’t mean I can build a house. However, with some instruction from a carpenter I might be able fashion a livable dwelling.

So what do you do? This is a concept I’m still struggling with, but I’ll tell you some things that I’ve been told so far.

·         Tell him what you want him to do: Instead of telling him not to do things, to stop, or no; tell him, “This is what I want you to do.” This is tough to grasp at first. What you should do is say something like, “You need to play nice with your brother,” or “We need to share,” instead of “Don’t take toys from others.”

·         Give him choices: If he gets frustrated because he wants to do something he can’t you should give choices. For example (just an example), if he wants to play in the road instead of saying, “No you can’t play in the road,” you can say, “You can play in the yard, or in your room.” These choices may take some time, but once you make him understand that these are his only choices then it gets a little easier. With Konner we started the choices thing young and now it’s not perfect, but he usually understands that he only has two choices.

·         Find out what he wants: Again, a difficult one, especially at first. This is one that we’re just beginning to explore, but it seems to be working okay. When a child acts out, especially on the spectrum, it is usually because they are frustrated because they want something, but can’t tell you what they want. This is where the communication skills come in. What you need to do instead of saying, “Stop screaming,” or, “Stop kicking things,” you should ask, “Do you need something?” This or, “Is there something wrong,” will work most times. However, I’ve found with Konner that just about any question about how he feels ends with, “Nothing’s wrong.” Again, this is a work in progress, and I’m only telling you my side of things. What works, or doesn’t work, for one child may be different for another.

·         Get his attention: For this one I’m going to give you an example of something that happened at speech a few months ago. After a session was over Konner decided to take off running down the hall bolt out the backdoor of the health department. As Jennifer and Joe’l took off in pursuit he ran faster. The biggest fear was that he was headed for the road and into the parking lot. When they yelled, Stop!” he just continued to run. So Joe’l decided to distract him. She started clapping and yelled, “Yeah Konner you won!” Konner stopped and disaster was averted.  This is just an example. You can try to tell them that there is something in a tree, or that their favorite cartoon character is around. Whatever gets them to stop will help in desperate situations.

·         Pay attention to how you say things: I was told that I need to count how many times in a day I use negative speak in conversation with Konner. After about 20 times in two hours I lost count. I challenge you to do the same thing. How many times in a day do you say no or stop to your child? My guess is it’s more than you care to count. This is a change that will take time. I’m trying really hard, but it’s about as tough as it would be to quit smoking (I’m guessing; and without the shakes). However, it can be detrimental.

As I said, these are only suggestions. I don’t have all the answers. Who does? This has been a very frustrating lesson for me. As I’ve said in the past discipline is a very wearisome task. You can’t use conventional means. You just have to try to explain things the way they should be and have faith that they will begin to understand right from wrong.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

A Peak Performance

Konner had a visitor at school last week. A lady by the name of Kim Ritter spent the day at the school and provided some information that will hopefully help Konner obtain an education with less distraction and aggravation. Ritter is a member of the Project Peak team.

So you may be asking yourself, what is project peak?

According to the Autism Center of Tulsa website: “In 2008, the Oklahoma Legislature passed updates to the law affecting school district professional development programs, requiring all districts beginning in the 2009-10 school year to offer at least one time per year, training in the area of autism from early childhood programs through grade three. The training must include a minimum awareness of the characteristics of autism, resources available, and an introduction to positive behavior supports to challenging behavior.”   Project peak provides that training and was recently at the Kiamichi Technology Center in Poteau to help local educators and advocates by providing them with the knowledge to help area students.

That’s a good generic answer, but what they have done with Konner is give us reassurance that we are doing what we need to in order to provide Konner with the best education possible.

So here is a breakdown of what they did last week. Ritter came to the school and spent half the day observing Konner, his teachers, and his peers. She also looked over the current IEP we have in place, along with data collected by his paraprofessional Mindy Hale. Mindy had been keeping track of his behavior for several weeks. All of the information provided, along with the observations, helped her to provide input to help us modify the classroom and actions we can take to help minimize his outbursts.

Ritter met with the IEP team for the second half of the day to go over the information and answer any questions they had. While I was not available for the meeting Jen was and said that it was an enlightening meeting.

I’m going to give some examples of what was observed and the suggestions provided. These all come from the Consultation Summary provided to the team.

Areas of Concern: Konner often disrupts class by yelling out when he gets mad and needs redirection. He often will use physical aggression and throw objects at others, usually to get someone to “re-do” a routine or ritual, allow him to do what he wants, etc.

She then provides a plan of action which includes who needs to do something to help, what to do, and when it needs to be implemented. The follow are examples of suggestions that we should employ in the classroom.

·         Action Plan: Make a visual schedule for him in the classroom.

·         Use self-timing procedures with duration boxes either on paper or dry erase board to extend his stay at lunch up to five or 10 minutes.

·         Flexibility training with going through the doors with “positive practice” using reinforcement.

·         Use choices at each activity of what he is going to work for. Remind him during work to “work quietly for your ­(give a final result or reward).” Avoid reminding him of what he’s not supposed to do. [Keep this in mind. I’ll have more on this next week.]

·         Provide stars on his reinforcer board more frequently. Use a “1^st/then board to remind him of what he’s working for.

·         Use peers as much as possible to provide prompting and try to reduce adult direction and instructions.

·         Try not to disrupt natural peer social interactions.

·         May need to teach specific social skills with one peer – pulled by reverse inclusion and slowly work towards social skills lessons in a regular class with all his peers.

·         When you see Konner getting agitated ask if he could help you to run an errand with you to provide a physical break without using the word “break”.

·         Analyze new data to use for new IEP.

I provide all of this as an example of what she did to try and help. I also have included this because I hope it may sound like something that your child may be doing and can give you some insight into how you may ease the results.

With this information she left several pages of more suggestions that coincide with these. An example is: “Coach and reinforce his peers in how to respond to, help, or prompt him to reduce need for (Para).”

There were also several suggestions on new goals for the IEP and how to improve the current IEP.

I would like to give kudos to a major player in this process, Mindy Hale. She is his para and has been the one gathering most of the information. Ritter even gave props for taking good data.

If you would like some more information on Project Peak you can contact them at (405) 271-6824. This is a division of the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center’s Child Study Center.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

You Better Think

I have an interesting problem that has recently begun with Konner.  He has an issue with doing things when asked. I know, I know, that’s not unusual for a child with autism, or any child for that matter, but it is a little different than what I’m used to dealing with. Konner will become defiant when I ask him to do something and then change my mind.

The following is not my usual research filled column. These are just a few stories that I hope will brighten your day and make you think a little before you speak…especially to a person with autism.

In the past when I ask Konner to do something and then change my direction there has been some pause and confusion, but after a few minutes he has understood and moved on. However, in the past couple weeks I have noticed a completely different pattern. If I tell him to do something and then change my mind he throws a fit.

Let me give you an example. Last Wednesday night I was preparing for Cub Scout when Konner asked if he could take his juice pouch with him to the meeting. My first response was sure. I was really busy and didn’t think before I spoke. I automatically just said yes and went on. Then I realized that we hold scouts in the local church and it may not be the best idea to let him take his drink. I thought about the other children, how they would probably want one, that there may or may not be a policy against drinks in the church, and that he could just finish before we left. After this, seemingly harmless, thought process I said, “Konner we can’t take your juice to scouts,” and proceeded to explain all the above reasons.

This normally would not be a problem. Not sure what has changed recently, but he immediately began to break down in near tears. He began yelling, “You said I could Daddy! You told me I could!” I continued to plead with him about the logistics of taking the juice with him and that we probably shouldn’t. This was to no avail. He just continued to explain to me that I had already told him to do things one way, and that I couldn’t change my mind.

So, being the thoughtful person I am I decided to do what any intelligent parent would, or so I thought, to rectify the situation. I explained to him, “Konner I think this time it will be okay to take your juice.” Ah, let the peace begin, right? Wrong!

“Dad, you already told me I can’t,” he screamed. “You said I can’t take my juice to scouts! You said I can’t have it in the church. You said.” This continued for a few minutes as I began to explain that I was wrong, and people change their minds, and it’s okay to do that.  

Nothing doing, he’s not budging. So I then ask the next logical question which is, “What do you want to do? Do you want to take the juice or not?”

His reply is, “I want to take it.”

I say, “Great, then you can take it.”

“No! You said I can’t,” he screams again.

“Okay, then don’t,” I retort.

“But I want to take my juice,” he said.

This went on for a few minutes before I could get him calmed down long enough to get him to move toward the door to go to scouts. So on the way out the door I say, “Go get in the car.” He looks around and says, “Where’s the car?” I look and realize that Jen has the car and we have the truck. So I said, “Well I meant the truck.”

Yep, you guessed it; we went into meltdown mode again.

“You told me to get in the car,” he said.

“Do you see the car?”

“No!”

“Then we can’t get in the car, so we’ll have to get in the truck.”

“But you told me to get in the car.”

So after a few more minutes of arguing laced with screams we got to Cub Scouts.

They say with a child with autism you have to pick your battles. When do you really want to deal with the screaming and meltdowns, and when do you just want to resolve the issue temporarily and deal with it later. The following is an example of my quick thinking. It’s not ideal, but it works if you are exhausted and don’t feel like picking that struggle.

Sunday night I asked Konner to get in the bath. As I said the words I looked up and saw that Kruz was not ready to take a bath yet because he was in the middle of eating his supper. I quickly said, “Konner why don’t you wait until Kruz is ready?”

“But you said to take a bath,” he said, and the battle began.

“I know I did, and I changed my mind because Kruz needs a bath too,” I said.

“But you said to take a bath,” he screamed back.

So, again thinking it was the right thing to do, I said, “Then go ahead and take a bath.”

“You told me not to,” he said teary-eyed.

So I automatically began the back-stepping.

“Ok, what do you want to do?”

“Take a bath.”

“Then take a bath”

“But you told me not to.”

So, as I said, I was using my noggin this night, I looked at him and said, “Go ask your mom what you should do.” Now, many will think this was just a way to get my wife to deal with the situation, and in a small way it kind of was. However, I knew that, if she was listening to me, she would give him an answer that would override anything that I have told him.

It worked!

She said, “Konner you need to take a bath.”

He looked at me and said, “Dad mom said to take a bath and I’m going to listen to her and not you.” Then he turned around and walked to the bathroom.

This is the one time in his life that I’m glad he didn’t listen to what I said.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.