Crazy if you Wanna Go

I recently read on a blog about a “revolutionary” way to “cure” autism. Now, as a parent I would do just about anything to help my child. I have tried several different methods that claim to help other children, but they are not too crazy, and they are pretty healthy. However, the things that are out that claim to help a child are scary. The scary part to me is that some parents actually try these methods without thinking about the potential damage it could do to their children. These are radical and nonsensical. I’d like to share a few.

I’m going to warn you that these are disturbing and disgusting, and could anger some readers. I’m not doing this for shock value, I’m doing it to show that there are very radical things taking place in the world of autism, and some people are actually buying into these treatments. We as parents can sometimes be desperate and the old adage is that desperate times call for desperate measures.

The first one that caught my attention was that doctors are using bleach to cure autism. That’s right, bleach! According to the Care 2 Make a Difference website, a doctor in Mexico is using a solution of sodium chloride, distilled water, and acidic juices as an enema. The site states:

“It is frequently diluted in acidic juices, such as orange juice, resulting in the formation of chlorine dioxide, which is, as the FDA characterized it, “a potent bleach used for stripping textiles and industrial water treatment.””

Ok, if you haven’t already found the problem in this one…You’re injecting a child with poison! Who thought this was a great idea?

The idea is that autism is caused by the overabundance of metals in a person’s body, which may or may not be true. However, to clean these out in such a way is just crazy.

The next one that coincides is a fecal transplant. Yes, you read that correctly. According to leftbrainrightbrain.com the idea is to inject healthy bacteria into a person’s body to help clean the impurities. The treatment, according to the site goes like this:

“Here is how this procedure was done by that physician in Canada who does not practice anymore. You collect the stool from a healthy relative (mother, father, so on) for a week in a bucket, no preservatives or cooling. Then mix well, fill in a decorating cone (that cloth cone you use to decorate a cake). Use the cone as an enema to empty all the content in the patient’s colon. The patient needs to hold that as long as possible.”

I have several puns for this one, but I think it’s disgusting enough, so I’ll just leave it alone. I hope everyone can find the problems in this one on their own.

I’ve heard for years about parents who use hyperbaric chambers to help clean the metals from a child’s system. The child is put into a small chamber and basically pressurized with a 100 percent oxygen atmosphere. There are several risks to this one including possible ear and sinus damage, collapsed lungs, and nausea. However, this is actually one of the least radical treatments, and has shown some signs of improvement. It is even endorsed by celebrity parents.

When researching this week I came across Chelation. This may not be new to some, but it is different for me. According to the Talk About Curing Autism website, a doctor administers Chelators, or medicines and supplements, which help remove the toxic metals from the child’s body. However, according to Dr. Jay Hoecker, M.D. on the May Clinic website:

“Chelation therapy supposedly removes mercury from the body, which chelation supporters say cures autism — but there's no evidence of a link between mercury exposure and autism. In addition, Chelation therapy can be associated with serious side effects, including potentially deadly liver and kidney damage.”

One such tragedy occurred in Pennsylvania in 2005. While being treated a five-year-old boy died of cardiac arrest.

These are crazy, but they seem logical when presented in a scientific way by trained medical professionals. So what should you do? Well, go with your gut most of the time. If it sounds crazy it probably is. Remember, this is not a disease that we’re working with. We’re not even 100 percent sure that it is caused by impurities in the body.

Here are some tips I found on About.com thought that might help.

·         If this is a biomedical treatment (a treatment which involves any type of medicine, supplement, or other biological intervention), undertake it only under the direct and involved supervision of a qualified medical practitioner. This refers not only to Chelation and supplements, but also to specialized diets which may have a negative nutritional impact on your child.

·         If this is a new treatment, take scrupulous notes on what it is intended to do, and on its apparent outcomes - side effects included. Consider using a video camera to record your child's behavior before, during and after the treatment or therapy.

·         Try one approach at a time. If you start, for example, a special diet AND a new school AND developmental therapy all at the same time, it will be impossible to parse out which approach is working (or causing problems). Wait at least three months to decide whether a particular approach is helpful.

Parents are so hung up on miracle cures that they lose common sense. They want their children to have a better life, and for that I don’t fault them. I just ask that if you find these cures and really want to try them, please do some research. Find out if there is any scientific evidence to show that the children have truly been helped? Have there been children hurt? Are they actually poisoning a child? And always make sure that a doctor is involved. Just be careful!

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Looking Around the House

Over the years I have heard Konner talk about using something called Zac Browser. We first heard about this software when Konner was in head start. Now I knew that this was a site for children with autism, but I had never actually researched it. This seems like a great site, especially for younger children, to help learn how to use the computer.

The problem with most search engines is that they are not kid-friendly. In fact they are geared toward adults to help locate their interests. With this in mind, one grandfather came up with a program to help his autistic grandson navigate the internet easier.

According to the website zacbrowser.com, John LeSieur, a software developer who has two grandchildren on the spectrum, designed the browser and launched it in 2008. The site states:

“At age 5, Zackary was enrolled in a specialized school. One of the proposed activities was to have him spend time using the computer. Zackary didn’t like this activity at all. It seemed that every click lead to a different result than what he expected. On several occasions he simply pushed away the keyboard or threw the mouse.

When I heard about his experience using the computer I asked what software his school was using and I was surprised to find out that Zackary was using a conventional browser with a popular search engine. I thought to myself, “Wow, How frustrating for Zackary” – Zac needed a tool to provide the best sites and protect him from undesirable content.”

This can be extremely true. Konner is a wiz when it comes to the computer. However, there are some very inappropriate things that are very easy to find. With Zac Browser we don’t have to worry as much about what he is doing on the computer.

The browser is very easy to use. You go the website and push the download button. It installs an icon on the desktop which is easy to find and takes you directly to a page with six other icons. These will serve to link the child to kid-friendly pages including an aquarium, television, stories, music, games, and whiteboard.

The aquarium is simply a page with fish swimming around an underwater scene. This seems too minimal, but trust me it used to be one of Konner’s favorite things. In fact, when he was in kindergarten his teacher had a similar item in his safe room and he loved it. It would keep him occupied for a while and calm him.

The television link includes many videos that he can connect with and enjoy for hours. This is great because Konner has recently discovered youtube.com. The problem with youtube is that anyone can upload videos. I have been sitting in the living room and overheard some of the videos that he has downloaded on youtube and had to run to the computer to stop it. With this I don’t have to worry.

The stories button will take you to classic tales which are read aloud. They are also animated which grabs the child’s attention. When I was looking at the site I turned one on and both boys ran to me to watch. One turned into three. I finally had to turn it off so I could continue writing.

The music page included interactive music games and sites. This of course if a favorite of mine, but when I was checking this out Konner got behind me and was entranced at one of the sites. There were band members that you could turn on an off with different styles of music and instruments. It was by FisherPrice and played popular children’s songs.

Games are what Konner used to enjoy the most. He would play with games that were very interactive, and geared toward children on the spectrum. There are also popular games from Angry Birds to Dora and Calliou.

Whiteboard is basically a draw and paint game. This keeps him entertained and lets him explore his creative side. When asked Konner said this and the games were his two favorite things about Zac Browser.

He doesn’t use this as much as he used to, mostly because he has outgrown some of the things on it. The other reason is that he learned how to explore using it and has moved on to other sites. Occasionally he will get on this though and play for hours.

The best part of this is that it is a free download. The site says that, “Over the past 3 years, Zac Browser has helped over 2.5 million children from around the world with autism by providing a free software solution filled with activities and videos.”

I think this is actually a great tool for a child of any age with or without a disability.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Volunteers of America

As a parent of a special needs child one of the biggest concerns is always what’s going to happen to them when they get older. As we age we realize that we will not always be around for our children. This is a concern for all parents, but if you have a special needs child you really begin to get scared. If you have an autistic child who is high functioning you tend to tell yourself that your child would be okay on their own, but if they are more severe on the spectrum you know that they will need assistance for the rest of their lives. Either way there is uncertainty. This is where one state program can help to ease this anxiety. The OK-AIM program works to make sure that adults with special needs are taken care of, and they are currently in need of volunteers.

According to the website (http://www.ddadvocacy.net) Oklahoma Advocates Involved in Monitoring (OK-AIM) was “created by the State of Oklahoma to ensure that people with developmental disabilities live quality lives and receive the best possible community-based residential services.”

The backbone of the program is the group of volunteers that monitor the homes of individuals in need. According to Susan Reed, Area III Field Coordinator, the program is in need of more help. One of the main regions of concern is the Poteau area, but they can use assistance throughout the state.

So you may ask yourself what these volunteers do. According to the site they visit homes of people in their area with developmental disabilities to observe the quality of life inside the residence. They then give the information to the OK-AIM staff so they can make the proper adjustments for the residents.

During a home visit, a team of two volunteer monitors will evaluate four distinct areas:

1. Regard for the Individual

2. Personal Growth

3. Staff

4. Physical Setting

Written responses are sent to volunteers so they know when unsatisfactory items they may have reported are corrected, improved, or changed. This lets the volunteer know that what they are doing is truly helping improve a person’s way of life.

Individuals with developmental disabilities, members of their families, and interested Oklahomans are welcome and encouraged to enroll as OK-AIM volunteers. Volunteers receive training and materials that prepare them to make monitoring visits.

This is important for the individuals out there without families to care for them. They have nobody else to make sure they are getting the proper services they need.

This is a great program for anyone who enjoys working with individuals with disabilities. You also get the chance to make new friends in areas you may not have thought of before. If you become part of this great program you will have a coordinator to help you with the process. Reed said that all travel is reimbursed as well as some meal expenses. There are no degree requirements to become a volunteer.

One volunteer shared the following story on the website:

“We were visiting a young man who proudly lived in his own apartment. While we were there we asked him about smoke alarms and fire extinguishers. He showed us the fire extinguisher in his kitchen but when we tested his smoke alarm it didn't work. I decided to check the batteries, and upon looking, found there weren't any in the detector. He said that he had taken them out for his remote control car and forgot to get more. The other monitor and I went to the store and purchased some new batteries and put them in the alarm for him. He hugged us both and said "Now I can sleep tonight". We both laughed and left with happy hearts knowing that he was safe and that we had a life-long friend. To this day whenever he sees us, he comes and gives us a hug and reminds us of the time we bought him batteries for his smoke alarm.”

There is a very good video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikCs6PEMyX8 that explains the program with help from volunteers.

Volunteers are needed in all parts of the state to make monitoring visits. For information, e-mail OK-AIM at okaim@ddadvocacy.net or call the OK-AIM Coordinator Susan Reed at 877-255-1196.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Parents Just Don't Understand

I had a gentleman at church approach me the other day and ask if I was open to ideas about things to help with Konner. I of course said, “Sure I’m up for suggestions”, and he proceeded to talk about things he might be able to pass onto me. This seems harmless, but it can sometimes cause more issues that expected.

This is a loaded question after all. When he asked he was a little hesitant. This is because parents can sometimes take offense to other people telling them how to raise their children. Even if they are only trying to help it can seem like they are just trying to say, “You’re not doing it right, here is what you should do.” This is especially true for a parent of a child with special needs. I mean, how can YOU tell me something about my child. You have no idea what I deal with everyday.

I knew this is not what he was saying, but in the past I have felt this way several times. Anytime someone says, “Have you tried this?” I want to say, “No, I’ve lived under a rock and can’t research anything.” “We’ve only recently (four years ago) had this diagnosed, I haven’t had the time to check out some things.” Or, “Oh, and what is your child’s diagnosis?”

After all, why do they think they know better? What makes them the expert? Do they know all the research that I’ve done over the years? Don’t they know the old saying that once you’ve met one child with autism you’ve met one child with autism? Don’t they know that what could be good for their neighbor’s child, their grandchild, or the child down the road may not be good for all children?

The answer is no. They are just trying to help. This is something we have to continue to remind ourselves.

It’s tough enough to raise a child with a disability, you take everything offensively. What you should do is be nice and say, “Thanks for the advice, I’ll look into it.” This is what I try to do.

Let me share my top five pieces of advice I get most often:

1.       You should take that child out and spank him. This is one that I’ve never heard directly, but I know some that have, and have heard it uttered under the breath of fellow restaurant patrons. This only makes matters worse. Trust me, I have tried.

2.       Have you tried the gluten-free diet? This is a great one. Not that the diet doesn’t work. It has been shown to work with numerous children. The problem is that some kids, like Konner, have a hard enough time eating as it is. There are only certain items we can get him to eat, and for a while we couldn’t even get him to eat his favorites.

3.       Isn’t there a special school where you can take him? Look, I don’t even know where to start with this one. Yes there is. It’s expensive. It’s not very close or logical. It’s better for us to leave him in a mainstream environment. We need to change this way of thinking for society. The list goes on and on with this one.

4.       Have you looked into therapy? Yes, we have so much therapy in a week that we probably couldn’t squeeze anymore in if we wanted to, or could afford to.

5.       Are you sure he’s autistic?  Ok, I don’t get this one as much I you would think, but when he was first diagnosed we had several “experts” tell us, “I don’t think he’s autistic.” Well, the diagnosis from a psychologist who specializes in autism seems to disagree.

6.       Oh, I’m so sorry. While this is not advice it does rank up there. I think the most annoying person to tell me this was the pediatrician when we first found out. I always say, “I’m not asking for sympathy, just understanding.”

7.       You shouldn’t take him to the (store, restaurant, etc.). Great advice if he had a disease that was contagious. I’m sorry that he’s ruining your meal and disturbing your night out. I’m actually using the time in public to help him deal with this so that he isn’t like this for the rest of his life. Thanks for helping him deal with rude people. That will also come in handy later in life.

8.       You should make more time for yourself, or You and your wife should go out and get away. This is also good advice. The tough part of this is finding childcare. We can’t just leave the boys with anyone. It’s tough getting someone who knows how to deal with Konner. The family helps out so much. They are a blessing to say the least, but they have lives too. It’s not as easy as it sounds. And, both boys together is like a death wish for a babysitter.

9.       My child had a meltdown the other day. I’ve expressed this one before, but it is a pet peeve of mine. Let me explain that until you’ve had a child with autism, or other related issue, you’ve never really seen a meltdown. I’m not trying to downplay a good temper tantrum; I’m just saying that an uncontrollable outburst is much more difficult than a child trying to get his/her way. When you’ve looked into a child’s eyes and have seen that glassy, helpless look and know that there is nothing you can do to comfort them you understand the powerless feeling of a meltdown, and the pain that your child is in.

10.   What do you think causes autism? Man, that is a great question. I have several opinions, but I couldn’t tell you for sure. If I knew I’d probably be rich. I know it’s just someone asking an innocent query though.

What we really need to do is just listen to each other. There have been several occasions where those parents, who are just trying to help, have given me some advice that was truly helpful. I’ve even used some information from researching them for my column. The main thing is to do what they are doing and spread the word. This is the true idea behind starting my column, and in a sense I’m just doing what they are trying to do by sharing that information with others.

For those who have given me this advice, or asked these questions, I don’t want to give the wrong impression, although I think at this point it’s going to sound bad either way. Don’t think I don’t appreciate the advice because I truly do. I really take every piece of advice the best way, and research because, as I’ve said before, we have to do everything we can to help our children.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Laughed Until We Cried

Recently babble.com released their Top 30 Autism Spectrum Blogs of 2012. As I began to research some of these I found some interesting sites that I would like to share with you. All of the sites are very informative, but some were more entertaining and insightful.

Let me begin by saying that I didn’t even know what babble.com was until I found this email from one of the many autism organizations I subscribe to. This site in its self is a great source for any parent. The site is listed being “for a new generation of parents.” It includes information for all parents, not just those with special needs children. There are so many links on this page for the whole family that I can’t even begin to describe them. However, if you are looking for advice, self-help, or resources for anything related to parenting you can probably find it here.

As I was looking through the list I realized that there were many differences between these blogs and what I do each week. While I recently started my own blog at http://pervasiveparenting.blogspot.com/, I only use it to chronicle my weekly column and give my followers an easier way to access the articles. The parents who are included in the top 30 list basically open the window to their souls and speak out about everything that is going on in their world. This is a venting session for many of them. The good, bad, and ugly are shown on the pages of their blogs. Of course they are all different, and some are research based, so that’s not completely true.

I’ve always viewed this as more of a way for me to share my research and opinion while mixing in some anecdotes from my life with my son.

That being said, there were several that I liked. In fact, I liked most, but some more than others.

“Adventures in Asperger’s” is a blog developed by a father from Shawnee, Ok. While it has some interesting, and funny stories, it also is nice to see a father’s perspective. It is also nice to have someone from Oklahoma on the list. He shares his point-of-view on his children with special needs.

“Adventures in Extreme Parenting” takes one mom’s obsession with Ryan Gossling and uses it to give a funny twist to a stressful life. I think every mother should check this one out, but every parent would get a kick out of Sunday Stillwell’s sense of humor. Stillwell is also an Oklahoma native hailing from Bartlesville, and leads us on a list of escapades with her sons she dubbed the “Trouble Brothers”.

“Autism Army Mom” has another funny look at motherhood. This woman holds nothing back as she explains the things she finds irritating about the world of autism.

“Autism Daddy” is a blog from a father who has an eight-year-old son with severe/classic autism. There is some great information and advice for all parents, but especially those who have someone on the more severe side of the spectrum.

Along the same lines; “Big Daddy Autism” is a funny look at the world of parenting a child on the spectrum. The author of this one, F. Lewis Stark, adds cartoons and hilarity to help explain his son’s quirks. One of his latest blogs is a synopsis of why his son is like the beloved 80s television character ALF.

“Laughing Through the Tears” is just what is says. It’s another fun look at autism while trying to avoid the frustration of everyday living. I particularly liked the blog about scouting. I don’t necessarily agree with it, but it is a funny look at one family’s view of joining scouts.

There are some blogs that give you an inside view of autism from those who are living with it directly. “Amy’s Tiny Corner of Existence”, “Dude, I’m an Aspie”, “From Inside the Heart”, and “Aspie From Main” are two example of this. They include stories of growing up with autism, and the day-to-day dealings of two adults diagnosed with Asperger’s.

There are also several that include interviews with national authors, doctors, and experts on autism. “Autism Radio UK”, “Autism Women’s Network Podcast”, and “Hope Saves the Day”.

These are only a few blogs on the list. If you would like to check out the list you can go to http://www.babble.com/baby/baby-development/top-autism-blog/.

I did notice that the blogs I enjoyed the most were the funny ones. I think that’s because sometimes if we didn’t laugh we would cry…or scream. We all need an outlet for our frustrations, and everyone wants to know that they are not alone in their problems.

I hope everyone enjoys these.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.

Change the World

I’ve been watching a lot of videos and reading many blogs lately to try and help understand what Konner might be going through. As a society, almost an underground society it seems (I’m speaking of the autism world in general) we think we know what is best for our children. We work really hard to make them the best that they can be. This is why we spend so much time with therapies, trinkets and toys, apps, and conferences to give our children what they need to survive in a fast-paced world. This is a world that is usually unforgiving to people who are not made out of the same cookie-cutter format that we see on television, magazines, and sadly enough occasionally our own minds.

Sometimes, however, I wonder if we’re trying too hard to make them “normal” or if we really just want them to have the best things they can with the hands they’ve been dealt. Those hands aren’t always bad. Since we’re using poker analogies; it would be like having an ace in hand, but losing to a pair of twos. You may be good at sports, but later in life when that stuff doesn’t matter, the man with a better retention of facts is going to be more useful in the “real world”. I’m not sure if I made that more clear, or just confused everyone more.

The thing that I’ve noticed most in these interviews with children and teens on the spectrum is that they don’t want to be changed. I was watching a video at http://apps.facebook.com/autismangels/ that I highly recommend. The film was by a teen with Asperger’s Syndrome. The main thing I noticed was that the children said they wouldn’t trade their differences for the world. They don’t want to be changed, just accepted.

Konner is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t change him for the world. He has made me a better person, and because of his autism I am becoming better every day. I’ve shared some of this with you in the past, but he makes me more patient (not that I’m where I should be yet). I have to be patient. There’s no compromise sometimes. That pushes me into frustration more times in a week than I can count, but at the end of the day, I still have to be patient and try to figure out what the problem is.

He has made me be more forgiving of others. I understand tribulations that other parents may be going through. Now when I see a child in a grocery store or restaurant scream I just smile. I truly do, because I have no idea what is wrong with that child, but I know that even if they really are just brats it is something that you have to deal with and go on.  I don’t judge because I don’t know.

I was thinking the other night about heaven. This may be something that some of you will think it odd, wrong, or just weird, but I was wondering what people with disabilities are like in heaven. Are they “normal” in the way that we see things here on earth? Will a child with Downs Syndrome still have Downs in heaven? If not will we recognize them? Then I wondered what Konner would be like. Will he still have the issues that he has on earth? As I pondered this I began to think…I hope not. I hope he’s just the same. I don’t want him to have the pain that goes along with the neurological side of autism. However, I love all the little quirks that make him Konner. For that matter, I hope he never changes.

I’m sure that I’m going to ruffle a few feathers with this one, but I’m hoping that I will open some eyes. These children, and adults, are who they are. They wouldn’t change if they could. Why should we. This is what defines them as people. They don’t need to change. They just need understanding, help, and guidance. We as a society are who need to change our ways of thinking.

I'm Here For The Party

In the recent weeks we’ve be fortunate to have attended two great birthday parties. Any parent of a child on the spectrum knows what this can mean. It’s a bitter-sweet feeling. You are happy that your child was invited to the party. That means that they are either fitting in, or some parent is making an effort not to exclude them. Either way this is a great thing. The other part of this is that you never know what is going to happen at the party. Is my child going to ruin everything with a sudden outburst, meltdown, or reaction? Will he ever be invited back to another party?

The first thing you have to do is focus on the fact that your child has been invited to a party. That means someone has taken the time to include your kid in their birthday celebration. There is nothing better for a child with autism than interaction with their peers. I’ve hit on this in the past, but it is a great thing to have kids that may or may not understand your child’s issues, but do accept that he is different. We’ve been blessed with a great bunch of classmates for Konner. They seem to make an effort to include Konner in everything and for that Jen and I appreciate them.

Part of this may be because we’ve explained to many of them from a young age what issues Konner has, and what they can do to help. He’s been with many of these kids since head start, so that helps as well.

The first party we attended was Konner’s own. Okay, so he had to attend this one, but he invited many of his friends. Most of them showed up. We asked him where he wanted to go and who he wanted to invite. He decided on Burger King and so we booked it. By the way, if your child was not invited I’m sorry. He made the list and probably just forgot. We also didn’t want him to be overwhelmed.

This was a pretty good idea because the kids just spent most of the time in the “tubes” and played well together. This party went off without a hitch really. I have no real stories to share. This may sound boring, but if you have a party, for an autistic child, and there are no issues this is a good thing. We have evolved so much from when he was three and we decided on Chuck E. Cheese. That turned out to be a horrible idea. When he was two we had a packed house and he had a meltdown and ended up crashing out in his room. However, every year it gets better.

The second party was at his friend Jaxon’s house. He was excited to attend and off we went on the rainy Sunday afternoon. The hostess was great and had everything planned out including games to keep them busy. This was especially good because of the weather. All of the children ran to the door when Konner came and ushered him into the house. This was a great feeling for me. I felt like they all seemed to want him there. I know that sounds silly to some, but you get a feeling sometimes that kids just tolerate your child because they’ve been told to; or that they are coddling him because they know he’s different. However, when the other kids arrived they all rushed to the door to meet them as well. This is a good thing because they didn’t treat Konner any differently. This is what you want to see as a parent. You want to see that your child is an equal and not a burden or outcast.

That’s not to say that he wasn’t different at the party. He has some things that he did that were different from the other children, but they all seemed to just go along with it or ignore it. He was louder than most there, and would jump around and scream. He began to go into his pace march halfway through the party, but it was quickly halted by another game, or ice cream and cake. He also pretended to be a balloon (something that he reminded me as he is reading this over my shoulder). He hid under the table at one point which caused the others to want to join. When the other kids decided to sing karaoke he grabbed the microphone and screamed really loud instead of singing, but the others seemed to get a kick out of this.

When the group decided to have a “freeze dance” none of the other children wanted to dance. They were all too shy to dance around their classmates. Not Konner, he flopped and shook and jumped around like nobody was watching. “I died next,” said Konner (again reading over my shoulder. He’s helping me write today). This means that he fell to the floor motionless as the song stopped.

All in all he did a great job. I was proud of the way he acted and the way the other children accepted him as one of their own. This is not always the case. I know this, and know, again, that we have been blessed with a great bunch of friends for Konner.

I want to say thank you to the parents and children for being so supportive of him. It means a lot to me and Jennifer.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be an expert. I’m just a father who is trying to learn as much about Autism as I can to help my child. I hope that you all can learn from me, and I from you. I ask anyone who has questions or comments about something I have written, or autism, please contact me at pervasiveparenting@hotmail.com. I will try to answer questions as I have time, and if I find it interesting enough I may touch on it in my column.