Saturday, April 19, 2014

It's Been Rough And Rocky Traveling

Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney

It's Been Rough And Rocky Traveling

One of the first things I say as I'm addressing groups in eastern Oklahoma is that the resources are limited in our area, an what is available most people just don't know about. This is one if the main reasons I decided to start the Pervasive Parenting Center. I want to help connect people with the resources available and bring those resources to the area. Saturday April 26 will be one of those opportunities. The Oklahoma Family Network will hold a Joining Forces Conference to help families learn how to strengthen their partnership with the professionals in their lives for the benefit of your children.
This conference is beneficial to everyone including parents of children with special needs, special health needs, foster parents, new parents, teachers, and professionals. The best part is that it is FREE! This includes lunch. 
We held one of these last fall in Sallisaw and the information was great. It gives everyone involved a chance to understand how important networking and community relations can be for your child and others. 
We're encouraging anyone in the area to attend. 
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and that is especially true when that child has special needs.
There will be speakers throughout the day to tell about their experiences in providing the best care they could for their children. Some if the roads were rocky, but in the end they had a better outlook thanks to the help of the community around them.
This will be held at the Dale Cox Community Center in Poteau, Ok. 
The deadline to register is April 22. To register online go to: 
https://easternok2014jfinstitute.eventbrite.com 
OFN can provide stipends for child care if needed.
For more info, contact Doris Erhart at: doriserhart@oklahomafamilynetwork.org or call: 405-271-5072; toll free 877-871-5072.
Please take advantage of a great opportunity to advocate for your child.

Hanging Tough

Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney

Hanging Tough

I want Konner to fail. Yes, that's right, I want my nine-year old son with autism to fail. Of course I'm not trying to be a jerk. I want Kruz, my five-year old, to fail too. I'm all about equality in parenting. 
Ok, let me explain. I feel like he has to fail at times in life in order to succeed. 
Booker T. Washington said, "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
So what brought on all of this positive thinking? I was at the Oklahoma Association for Higher Education and Disability (OK-AHEAD) conference when a presenter told a story I felt was pretty interesting. I'm going to paraphrase a little, but they were talking about a man who has a disability and he had just been given a job. The problem was that despite being told several times, he wasn't doing the things he was asked to do. He was called in several times, and finally the supervisor called the parents to explain the situation. When the mom was asked what should be done she asked, "What would you do with someone else?" 
He replied, "Fire them."
She said, "Then fire him."
He did, and the employee learned a huge life lesson. He learned that he had to abide by the same rules as anyone else.
You see, while most times people with disabilities tend to take more pride in their work, we often use kid-gloves with them. We want to treat them different and tip-toe around them because we think they deserve special treatment. While we may need to make modifications to help them we don't have to change the job. It's still a job, and they need to understand that. 
The same can be said in the classroom. While we should modify the work or the room to help them learn, we don't need to let them slide on the work. 
In our IEP meeting last week I explained to the principal Konner will have next year that he tends to manipulate sometimes. He knows that if someone doesn't pay attention he will try to slide by and get out of doing things. His aide has been really good at knowing when he's trying to do this and keep him on track. 
I think all of these rules apply to any child, but for someone with a disability we think we need to be gentle with them. Guess what? It's them same harsh work out there for them as it is for your child without a disability.
Sometimes you have to learn by failing. That tough-love is important for anyone. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Green, Green Grass of Home

Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney

Green, Green Grass of Home

Jennifer and I spent Saturday in Oklahoma City at a conference for the Down Syndrome Association of Central Oklahoma. First I would like to say that it was a great conference. We learned so much, and made some more connections. I also want to point out that Patrick Schwarz was the keynote speaker, and of you get a chance to hear him don't pass it up. It is well worth it. 
When I told people I was going to the Down syndrome conference I was asked, "Why?" My first response was, "Why not?" However, after the initial sarcasm I explained that I was going to learn about advocating for people with disabilities. That is my main focus with the Pervasive Parenting Center. I know that autism is what I know best. This is mostly because it's all I've known for about six years now, but it's not all I need to know. 
A really great mentor and friend named Erin Taylor from the Oklahoma Developmental Disability Center gave me some great advice once. I had asked what I need to be doing to help people out and she said something to the affect that I should branch out and learn about others with special needs. I should listen to problems from other families with other disabilities. 
As I started to do this I began to see that families coping with Down Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy are dealing with many if the same obstacles we are with Konner. They need speech therapy, IEP help, and system navigation, etc. the same as anyone with a disability. 
If you look past your own little world you will see people who can help you because they have been through the system. You could also find that you might be able to show someone else an avenue they hadn't known or thought of yet. 
Make sure that you broaden your horizons. The grass isn't always greener, but it does have a similar tint to it.