Sunday, May 24, 2015

Teach The Children Well

Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney

Teach The Children Well

I teach a few classes at the local college, and as I was finishing up entering my grades this week I started thinking about something. At the college level I expect more out of my students because they are no longer in high school. I tell them on the first day that I don't give grades, you earn them. I think this philosophy is true for any age, but I also think earning a grade is so much more than just the student doing their work.
All schools MUST adhere to the Americans With Disabilities Act. That means that I very often receive a letter telling me each semester that a student may have a disability and that I need to make accommodation. I do this for many reasons. I do it because I understand that this student has made an effort to attend school, and is working to better their life. I do it because I would want someone to do the same for me, and I would want someone to do it for my son. I do it because it's the right thing to do as a teacher and a humanitarian. And, I do it because IT IS THE LAW. I understand that if I don't make these accommodations after I've been sent this letter telling me I have to I can lose my job and potentially be sued.
I make these accommodation even if I don't have a letter telling me to. I understand that some of my students have special needs, but haven't requested assistance for some reason. I want to make sure that my students are learning. If they are not I try to find ways to help them learn. I'm not trying to set them up to fail. If they are showing an effort I will help them. If they are not I will try to motivate them.
I understand that people have issues. I try to work with those students and push them to do better. I feel that is my job as a teacher.
You see I feel there is a difference between a teacher and an educator. An educator can lecture, give the information to students, and let them do the work...or not, the choice is up to the student. I feel a teacher goes above and beyond for their students, all students, but especially those who have special needs in the classroom. If they need motivation or some special instruction then a "teacher" will go above and beyond.
This works on all levels of education from elementary to higher ed.
We have to help students with ADA requirements and IEPs. Not only is it the law; it is simply the right thing to do. If an educator doesn't feel that way I think they should find a different profession because they're not in it for the right reasons, to help others.
This is just my opinion.

Ready or Not

Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney

Ready or Not

We had several deaths in our town in the past couple weeks including one of a little girl same age as my youngest son Kruz. This brought up something that I had discussed among some friends at a conference recently, and I think it's something that every parent of a child with a disability really has in the back of your mind. I will warn anybody that's reading this today that this is going to be a bit of a grim article, but it's something I think that needs to be discussed.
Death I feel needs to be addressed because everyone thinks about it and it's one of those heavy thoughts that can consume you if you let it. For a mother of a child with a disability this is somewhat of a catch 22. The question that I had with this group of friends was, "Is it better for your child to die before you or you to die before your child?"
To many I know this seems like a simple question. However, it's probably one of the most complex questions you will ever have if you have a child with a disability.
The question in more detail is, do you want your child to die before you so that you know that they're in a better place, and there's no worry about what life is going to be like if you're not there to take care of them. That question just brings up more questions. Who will take care of them? Where will they go? What will they do? 
However no one wants their child to die. 
I know this seems like a horrible subject, and no one wants their child to die but I bring it up because it's something that has become very prominent in the media lately. I have read several stories about parents, especially moms, who have become so consumed by caring for their child with a disability and worrying about what will happen to them that they become extremely depressed. That depression become so serious that it turns to death. That sometimes include the parent and/or the child.
I'd like to say that I'm no expert. I'm not a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I've also never dealt personally with depression or had any of the feelings that come along with it. However, I know signs and I do know the outcome to be very serious, so I wanted to encourage anyone who may have any thoughts to seek help. Find a counselor, find a psychiatrist, call a hotline, do something to get yourself some help. Always try to give yourself some "you" time. I know how hard that is but I think it's important that , 1. Remember that your child is the most important thing in your life, and you are the most important thing in your child's life. You have to do everything you can for them to keep them safe and give them a better life. You are doing the best you can. I know there are times when it may not seem that way, but as long as you're putting forth every effort that you have to try to get your child services, therapies, and resources then you are working to make that child's life better.
2. Take care of yourself. If you don't have the oxygen mask on first you can't help your child; it's that simple.
As for the initial question, I don't know the answer, but I know this, and it's just my opinion, I would never want to see my child die. I don't know what's going to happen after I'm gone or After Jen's gone. As much as I hate to say it the responsibility will probably fall back on Kruz. We have to work now to put in place anything that we can to help when that time comes.