Pervasive Parenting
By Kodey Toney
By Kodey Toney
Backwards Down The Number Line
I've recently been in meetings with parents who were looking for more than they need. They were looking for a different diagnosis, or magic number. When it got down to it I realized they were just looking for what is best for their child, and they were afraid they wouldn't get the services they needed without it.
As I have said in past columns, I understand. I don't blame either parent because I too have searched for answers to help Konner because I thought it was what's best for Konner, when all along he already had what he needed. We just had to work with the school to get those services.
Without going too far into detail, I will try to explain the situations because I think it will help others.
One particular meeting included a parent who was pushing hard to get an IQ test for her son. Despite the fact that he had scored low on two, she was looking for a higher score.
Ok, this is where I'm going to say that I personally don't put much merit into IQ tests. There are so many factors involved in the testing process that can skew the results. The child could be tired, having a bad day, or just not cooperating. There are tests that are designed for verbal and nonverbal people. This is why Konner has scored around a 70 and a 131 on two different tests.
Therefore I had to give my opinion in the meeting. An IQ is just a number. It has nothing to do with the child's actual abilities. You see the mom new that the child was smarter than the number given to her. The truth is, so did the school. They were giving him the services that he needed to succeed in school, and ultimately in life. Mom was afraid, as most would be, that they would only see the number, and not the ability.
A similar situation happened at a different meeting. A mom, who had twice been to have evaluations for her son was still looking for answers. She was searching for a diagnosis that wasn't there, but she really was just worried that without it her son would not get the services that he needed to succeed. That too is a legitimate concern.
What should happen, and most of the time does, is that the school should look at the child, evaluate deficits, and use strengths to build on those weaknesses.
Numbers and labels are only used to get services. After that they don't matter. I've yet to meet two children with any diagnosis that needed the exact same services. Everyone is unique. That is why schools should design an Individualized Education Program (IEP) just for the child. That's what it means after all. It is individualized, meaning for one person, not one diagnosis.
If the school is not doing this then please contact me. I can advocate for your child in the school and help get the services needed.
You can email me at ktoney@pervasiveparentingcenter.org
As I have said in past columns, I understand. I don't blame either parent because I too have searched for answers to help Konner because I thought it was what's best for Konner, when all along he already had what he needed. We just had to work with the school to get those services.
Without going too far into detail, I will try to explain the situations because I think it will help others.
One particular meeting included a parent who was pushing hard to get an IQ test for her son. Despite the fact that he had scored low on two, she was looking for a higher score.
Ok, this is where I'm going to say that I personally don't put much merit into IQ tests. There are so many factors involved in the testing process that can skew the results. The child could be tired, having a bad day, or just not cooperating. There are tests that are designed for verbal and nonverbal people. This is why Konner has scored around a 70 and a 131 on two different tests.
Therefore I had to give my opinion in the meeting. An IQ is just a number. It has nothing to do with the child's actual abilities. You see the mom new that the child was smarter than the number given to her. The truth is, so did the school. They were giving him the services that he needed to succeed in school, and ultimately in life. Mom was afraid, as most would be, that they would only see the number, and not the ability.
A similar situation happened at a different meeting. A mom, who had twice been to have evaluations for her son was still looking for answers. She was searching for a diagnosis that wasn't there, but she really was just worried that without it her son would not get the services that he needed to succeed. That too is a legitimate concern.
What should happen, and most of the time does, is that the school should look at the child, evaluate deficits, and use strengths to build on those weaknesses.
Numbers and labels are only used to get services. After that they don't matter. I've yet to meet two children with any diagnosis that needed the exact same services. Everyone is unique. That is why schools should design an Individualized Education Program (IEP) just for the child. That's what it means after all. It is individualized, meaning for one person, not one diagnosis.
If the school is not doing this then please contact me. I can advocate for your child in the school and help get the services needed.
You can email me at ktoney@pervasiveparentingcenter.org
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